one girl's thoughts on music, football and fashion

3:46 pm - Thu, Nov 25, 2010

I realised yesterday that I live my life cautiously. I don’t always say what I really think because I’m scared of how other people will react, I tread carefully around others and I’m terrified of confrontation. This is a part of my character that has improved over the past few years, I’m more likely to say what I feel now, but I still hold a lot of myself back for fear that people won’t like it or will pay me out about it. I’ve never had a problem with self-confidence, I like who I am, I just don’t have very much confidence in what other people think of me. As much as I have moved on from it, and know that it made me a stronger person, there are about six or seven girls from high school that I blame for this issue. I spent a lot of time being made to feel like I didn’t belong because of them, they were downright nasty people, I get that, but the paranoia I inherited from my father has been heightened because of it. At 25, the things that they did to me at 12 still effect the way that I act around people that don’t know me very well, and I’ve realised that that shouldn’t be the case. So this is me stating that I don’t care what you think about me anymore. I was made who I am for a very good reason, and I shouldn’t have to hold that back because of someone who had no logical reason to be such a nasty bitch.